The Call Me Pap-Paw

So I have recently decided to return to school to finish the degree that I started way back in the 90's. Yes at 50 years old and with so little time already I have embarked on this journey.  I did decide to take online classes, mainly because I can't set through night classes without falling asleep. So we are in week 2 of classes, I have already ran into issue with time....lots of issues. But the thing that is bugging me the most is that amount of busy work. Maybe its just my age, maybe I just don't remember it, but busy work is something that I just can't stand. Wasting time on something for nothing or when you time could be spend on something else is one of my biggest pet peeves! What makes it worst was this week on the busy work things was something that had to be done for no credit. Yeah maybe it is something that they needed done to show work, but couldn't we have just done something productive and for credit. So back to the schooling! I have always wanted ...

Sometimes I envy Jugglers, they can sit there and juggle all these things and make it seem effortless. In real life juggling many things at once is never effortless, it may seem that way at times but it always has its repercussions. As a Juggler if you mess up and drop whatever it is that you are juggling you can just pick them up and start over. Worst thing that happens is your audience laughs at you (ok if you are juggling chainsaws maybe there is a repercussion, but most of the time your safe). In real life you can lose so much.....your job, your life, someone else's life or you sanity. Ok, in my case I don't really have my sanity so that may not apply to me. I am one of those people that people look upon and say hey how do you do that. Many times its because I have to, other times its because I go until I can't go anymore, other times I have not idea. Yes there are times when I life juggler doesn't even know how they do it, or much less that they are. The later ...

When you are a little kid you are told that dream, that your dreams can come true. And while I can't say that the is a total lie, they don't tell you that most of your dreams will whither away into nothing or haunt you everyday. There are man dreams that I know I have had that have just went along the way side, many of these are because there were nothing I could do or had the skills to do. Such as being a professional baseball player. While I was good at it, I just wasn't good enough. Well that could be said for many things in life, really never stopped me from trying though. Then there are the dream that no matter what you do you can't shake them. Whether they be loves you are lost and so desperately wish that you hadn't or the dreams that you thought you could have fulfilled if only you had made a different choice. Hmm, guess that these could be one in the same sometimes. There are many unfulfilled dreams of mine where I look back and say WTF, why didn't ...

So everyone has heard the phrase "Alone in a Room Full of People"....Right?? What about when that the feeling that you have with your entire life? I have always been a person that got along with everyone, but I have only had a very few people that I would call a BFF, and can count on one hand the number of people that I trust. Most of those people have left, to be fair couple of those are not exactly their fault. Can blame someone if they pass away, its not like the really had a choice in the matter. I have had one that was also my what I would call the closest friend I had that just up and left. Moved to another city and become homeless and lost contact, out of all the friends I have lost this is the one that hurt the most. In part because I was not enough to help him with his demons. However, for most of my life I have relied on myself. Not always he best decision but the what i have done. During that time to those other "friends" in my life I was always there...

It always boggles my mind when people just don't have the common curiosity of not taking advantage of people. If you are being allowed to live someplace rent free, get fed, and have your laundry done (not be my of course) why would you go out of your way to destroy everything in the place you are staying? Whether intentionally or not! I only have so many places I can store stuff the house we are living, I can't be placing everything on my desk or someplace in my room. It is already driving my girlfriend crazy if I have to start keep my yard tools in the room to she will get mad at me not her son and it kids. No instead my kids get blamed or I blow up at people. Hell today's issues was just stupid yard gloves! Yard gloves that I just bought and hadn't had a chance to wear yet. Gloves that there is only one of, that were placed in a specific place in the garage, still in the packaging. This was done in the hopes that I would at least be able to use them once. Its al...

So I just wrote a new post. One that I think was well written, but one that I had to make private because of its sensitive nature and the offence that would be taken. Not a fan of that, but I did have to write the post in an attempt to feel better. Not even sure that it will work, there are really only 2 solutions to my deleima and one isn't looking to be feasible and the other, well lets just say is a nuclear option. So in the meantime I am stuck in a very stressful position on top of all the other stresses going on. Well I guess there is a third option.......I can have a heart attack! But hell that won't fix the problem long term lol