Sunday, December 9, 2018

Health, Question, Answers, Fear

So for at least a year I have been trying to figure out why I have certain health symptoms. It all started with a Neurologist, but I have also included Cardiologist, Urologist, and finally a GI Doc. I am currently at the Gi stage of this frustrating and costly journey for answers.

So far every test that has been ran has been normal or nothing that is serious or explain the issues that I am having. I have had X-rays, MRI's, wires hooked up to my head, blood work, my jewels felt up, fingers and medical devices shoved where the sun don't shine, and medical devices shoved down my throat. The later one being where we are today.

In the last month I have had an endoscopy and just the other day a colonoscopy. Both time something was biopsied. Though I was told by the Dr. that on the endoscopy that if I didn't hear from them I should assume they found nothing (I am not assuming anything), my heart is heavy. A s I set and wait for the results from the colonoscopy, I can't but fear the worst, with what they found that lead to the biopsies it feels as if my your test results are normal luck might be running out.

I will be the first to say I am someone that always assumes the worst, this is a protective reflex to prevent bad news from affecting to much. Not saying it is right or even healthy but that is who I am.

So on the colonoscopy they found 7 polyps, one that they say as pretty large. Being the Google Dr. that I am, my searches indicate larger polyps are sign of Cancer. So as I set here and wait for my follow up appointment in a few weeks I do so expecting them to tell just that. So I would get an possible answer to my question of what is wrong with me. An answer, that if true, is not the one I wanted to hear, nor one that I care to experience.

Now do I think I am going to die, no not really! The luck I have I will just be mearsible, it will cost me a shit load of money, but will not kill me.

Guess I will have to wait a little longer, I will stress about it, I will try to distract myelf, wrap myself up in work, maybe even pretend nothing is wrong and continue to look for a new job. All the while waiting to hammer to drop..........why did I seek answers? Maybe I should have just buried my head in the grown and went on like nothing was ever wrong?