Sunday, December 9, 2018

Health, Question, Answers, Fear

So for at least a year I have been trying to figure out why I have certain health symptoms. It all started with a Neurologist, but I have also included Cardiologist, Urologist, and finally a GI Doc. I am currently at the Gi stage of this frustrating and costly journey for answers.

So far every test that has been ran has been normal or nothing that is serious or explain the issues that I am having. I have had X-rays, MRI's, wires hooked up to my head, blood work, my jewels felt up, fingers and medical devices shoved where the sun don't shine, and medical devices shoved down my throat. The later one being where we are today.

In the last month I have had an endoscopy and just the other day a colonoscopy. Both time something was biopsied. Though I was told by the Dr. that on the endoscopy that if I didn't hear from them I should assume they found nothing (I am not assuming anything), my heart is heavy. A s I set and wait for the results from the colonoscopy, I can't but fear the worst, with what they found that lead to the biopsies it feels as if my your test results are normal luck might be running out.

I will be the first to say I am someone that always assumes the worst, this is a protective reflex to prevent bad news from affecting to much. Not saying it is right or even healthy but that is who I am.

So on the colonoscopy they found 7 polyps, one that they say as pretty large. Being the Google Dr. that I am, my searches indicate larger polyps are sign of Cancer. So as I set here and wait for my follow up appointment in a few weeks I do so expecting them to tell just that. So I would get an possible answer to my question of what is wrong with me. An answer, that if true, is not the one I wanted to hear, nor one that I care to experience.

Now do I think I am going to die, no not really! The luck I have I will just be mearsible, it will cost me a shit load of money, but will not kill me.

Guess I will have to wait a little longer, I will stress about it, I will try to distract myelf, wrap myself up in work, maybe even pretend nothing is wrong and continue to look for a new job. All the while waiting to hammer to drop..........why did I seek answers? Maybe I should have just buried my head in the grown and went on like nothing was ever wrong?

Friday, September 7, 2018

Just Not Feeling It

So the past few weeks, well maybe months I just not feeling the work thing. It not like my job is hard, well shouldn’t be hard. There are times where others make it harder than it has to be, and some of the people I deal with are just difficult to deal with. But overall this job is not complicated, I am just not feeling it.

So those that might say “why don’t you find another job”, to them I say I have been trying. I haver looked, had a couple offers that didn’t work for family reasons, others that just never came to together. But I am looking, maybe at time passively, but I am looking.

What gets me is that it is not like I am not apprecated at least by my superiors, or most of my co-waorkers. So I should not really be feeling the way I do. What way is that you you ask? THe feeling that the job I do is thankless, that people that I have to deal with don’t really want me around or care for what I have to say...even when they know that I am giving them sound advise, its just that it is coming from someone else.

Hopefully this will pass soon, I am getting tired of the whole thing and afraid that at one point I am going to say fuck it and just leave.

Monday, August 6, 2018

When the Night Off Turns into an All Nighter

So last night I was supposed to be kidless, the girls were supposed to be with their mother who was housesitting for her brother. I was looking forward to being able to get some sleep as I had a long day of work due. Well about 8:30 get a text from the Ex that my middle daughter wasn't feeling well, the she thought she had a fever. She didn't have a thermometer but said she felt hot. See when my kids are really sick they all come to daddy and I knew that if she wanted to come home that she would so I asked. She of course did, I offered to get her but her boyfriend was there and was able to bring her.
Well when she got here, she had a temp of 102.8! well after a shower and some Ibuprofen and about 3 hours later we are off to the ER with 103.2. That was 11:45 PM. Ih you might be asking why go to the hospital so quickly? Well she has a compromised immune system so at 103 it becomes an issue if something is out of control. 

Well some lab work, an IV, some Tylenol and 4 hours later we are on our way home. Lab work didn't show anything serious, they think its just something viral. Which I was happy for......But remember that long day I was supposed to have? Well I still had to work and getting to bed at 4:15 and having to get up at 7:45 AM to be in some town 45 minutes away to work 8 hours really sucked. And yes I had to make, I was training someone that had I not worked she wouldn't have worked and I was meeting an Owner to do some training that was scheduled and would be hard to reschedule. 

At the end of the day I was just happy to make it home without falling asleep at the wheel. My baby is still sick, I still have to worry about her but I am hoping to get some sleep tonight!

Friday, July 20, 2018

When the Simplest Things Becomes to Overly Complicated

I have been trying to work on a home project tying in the families calendars. The key piece that I need is a cheap 10 inch tablet. Yeah I know tablets are a dime a dozen, but I don't need any bells and whistles. But the whole thing has gotten complicated and seemingly impossible to complete.

Anyway I was trying to use this online shopping site (also know as I have tried to order a inexpensive tablet 3 times with this site. Each time something has gone wrong, first and third try was delivered to the wrong address in a different state, the second one "was delayed" and I was given a fidget spinner instead. What gets me is that for anything else that I have ordered has come with no problem, but I order something for a specific reason I can't get it.

Maybe it's a sign that I should give up the project, maybe I am going about it the wrong way, maybe its just I am cursed. Either way I am totally pissed that this company does this and there is little else I can do.

I will find a way to complete this project, I will find the technology that I need. But damn does it have to be so complicated?

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Quincy Pondexter Basketball Camp

Dakota attend the Quincy Pondexter Basketball Camp this week. It was a great experience and a well run event. We are looking forward to next year.

Dakota Put in some work, she got a few compliments, she had a few blood sugar lows, but she fought through them. She learned a few new things, she meet one of her favorite Youtube people Austin McBoom and meet some NBA player, College and NBA coaches. It was an all around great experiance.